10. Even better than Cameron at getting women to calm down.
9. Will deal with Putin by sending a friend round to his house.
8. Can solve all UK infrastructure problems by putting his name on expensive objects.
7. Will be able to charm pants off President Hillary Clinton.
6. Always asks self ‘What would Churchill do?’*
5. Will solve nationwide housing crisis same way he has in London.
4. Will use Etonian wit and Latin epigrams to reduce the deficit.
3. Will be able to charm pants off President Marine le Pen.
2. Still has US passport, in case he has to do a runner.
1. The entitlement is strong in this one.
(*Before just helping the rich instead.)
10. Large part of UK economy dependent on online Europhobic rants.
9. Replacement of UK passport by EU passport means ‘immigration’ reduced to zero at a stroke!
8. UK can shelter under French nuclear umbrella, after Corbyn ditches Trident.
7. Will avert plumbing crisis in London.
6. Those straight bananas really are much tastier than the bendy ones.
5. Last-minute British opt-out on cake secured! More gâteau, anyone? Battenberg?
4. Will result in historic Sun headline: ‘Up yours, Nige!’
3. Churchill*, Thatcher† and Heath‡ all said Britain must share sovereignty in Europe.
2. Makes Cameron look like a proper statesman.**
1. Nine out of ten bankers agree.
(*Ron Churchill, Sidcup. †Doris Thatcher, Kettering. ‡Ted Heath, former Tory leader.)
(**In comparison to Boris.)