Top Ten Things the Anti-Corbynites Say vs. What They Really Think

  1. With Corbyn as leader, we’ll never see another Labour government in my lifetime.

Some of my best friends are right-wing Labour careerists – why shouldn’t they get their rightful turn at the trough?

  1. If Corbyn had made a decent effort, we wouldn’t be facing Brexit.

Yes, yes, we all know it was totally Cameron’s fault. But it just feels so right to blame Corbyn. Don’t ask me why.

  1. How many times, FFS? Corbyn is unelectable!

Yeah, well, not among half a million Labour members, worse luck. And look at all those people at his rallies: if Boris Johnson got crowds like that he’d be PM by acclamation! Could be worse though – people might find out that Corbyn supports rail renationalisation, tuition fee abolition, higher taxes on the rich, more council houses and more money for the NHS. Jesus!

  1. Corbyn is only interested in permanent opposition, not in governing.

Look, let’s face it: this is a Conservative country. You can’t beat the Tories using left-wing policies; you have to compete with them using right-wing policies. Doh! What’s that you say? What about rail renationalisation, etc? Sorry, that’s fantasy politics.

  1. You can’t just ignore voters’ concerns over immigration.

The poor sods are suffering from economic anxiety, ha-ha-ha! Seriously, though, Brexit proved you can’t win a national election without the racist vote. Get real.

  1. Voters want policies that can be delivered.

If you think the Tories, their newspapers, the BBC, the establishment, the City and the big corporations are going to tolerate Corbynism for a moment, you’ve got another think coming.

  1. Labour has always believed that MPs are accountable to the people, not the party.

Well, when we say ‘people’ we actually mean our business donors. Same thing, really. Like the Tories and the Liberals. And who is this ‘party’ when it’s at home?

  1. It’s time to move on from Iraq.

Time to move on. Time to move on. Time to move on. Time to move on. Move on, move on, move on. Nothing to see here.

  1. Does Corbyn even look like a Prime Minister? Can you imagine him standing on the steps of Number Ten?

See, most voters have no idea about policy. They don’t want to hear facts and figures from some mumbling scarecrow who looks like a baffled supply teacher and can’t even put on a proper suit and tie. They really just want someone who looks like they could play the part of a PM on Downton Abbey. That’s why Cameron was so successful. Oh, wait…

  1. It’s all about vision, leadership and competence.

You can say what you like about Blair, Brown and Cameron but – apart from Iraq and Afghanistan; and deregulating the banks and causing the crash of 2008; and the housing crisis and Libya and Brexit – at least they showed vision, leadership and competence. I mean, have you checked the FTSE 100 today?

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