Top Ten Trump Administration Priorities

10. Bill to legalize pussy-grabbing. Hey, it’s just locker room fun!

9. Replace ObamaCare with something terrific – like golf club vouchers.

8. Stop Iran getting nukes by tearing up agreement to stop Iran getting nukes.

7. Get rid of that annoying Farage guy who keeps hanging around.

6. Bill US taxpayers for Trump campaign expenses (and then some).

5. Negotiate piece treaty with Putin. Vlad gets a piece of Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia. The Trump Organization gets a piece of the action.

4. Turn round-up of immigrants into TV reality show. All rights to Trump Organization.

3. Send Chris Christie and Rudy Giuliani to Europe to collect from NATO deadbeats, Sopranos-style.

2. Lock Hillary up now. Wait until after inauguration before locking up Obamas.

1. Admire self in gilded mirror.

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Top Ten Titanic Powers of Supreme Empress Treeza

10. Can destroy UKIP with single speech by ripping off their shtick.

9. Safeguards entire car factories by sheer force of personality.

8. Can seriously underperform Cameron at PMQs yet still enjoy poll lead.

7. Baffles nefarious foreigners by never revealing hand. Ever.

6. Soars effortlessly above petty politics by balancing rights of citizens against rights of Daily Mail.

5. Crushes rootless cosmopolitans at a stroke by sneering at them.

4. Able to drive out evil foreign workers by threatening to make lists.

3. Boosts own superpowers by harnessing combined stupidity of ‘Three Brexiteers’.

2. Mesmerises media with meaningless ‘Brexit means Brexit’ voodoo.

1. Is not David Cameron.

(Inspired by Steve Bell’s cartoon.)

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