10. Can destroy UKIP with single speech by ripping off their shtick.
9. Safeguards entire car factories by sheer force of personality.
8. Can seriously underperform Cameron at PMQs yet still enjoy poll lead.
7. Baffles nefarious foreigners by never revealing hand. Ever.
6. Soars effortlessly above petty politics by balancing rights of citizens against rights of Daily Mail.
5. Crushes rootless cosmopolitans at a stroke by sneering at them.
4. Able to drive out evil foreign workers by threatening to make lists.
3. Boosts own superpowers by harnessing combined stupidity of ‘Three Brexiteers’.
2. Mesmerises media with meaningless ‘Brexit means Brexit’ voodoo.
1. Is not David Cameron.
(Inspired by Steve Bell’s cartoon.)