Top Ten Greatest Hits of Theresa May

10. Nothing Has Changed.

A monotonous dirge on one note that excites feelings of cognitive dissonance in the listener.

9. Just About Managing.

A syrupy, insincere ballad aimed at the lower end of the market.

8. Blurred (Red) Lines.

A risky dance number, mostly stolen from other dodgy artists, that provoked legal action and a rebuke from the Supreme Court.

7. Strong And Stable.

Title track from the first album. Now deleted from the catalogue and available online for 1p plus shipping.

6. Fields Of Wheat.

Homage to The Police. Or to Tory nostalgia for 50’s-style law-‘n’-order.

5. Deep And Special.

Sultry retro Euro-disco love song.  But lyrics reveal it’s not deep and it’s certainly not special.

4. Opposites Attract (Featuring DJ Trump).

Vulgar rap. Desperate attempt to cash in on the latest transatlantic craze and grab a dubious new market.

3. Magic Money Tree.

An unsettling and plangent psychedelic ditty intended to induce a fearful hallucinatory trance and/or Stockholm syndrome. Played backwards, some claim, you can hear Satan laughing.

2. Brexit Means Brexit (Post-Election Remix).

Iconic trade-mark torch song. Many have tried to decipher the lyrics. None have succeeded.

  1. Seven Nation Tory.

Rousing anthem, intended to unify the Party and the country. Now appropriated by fans of the real Prime Minister.

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